I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
last night I used snow as a chaser
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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