i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
