No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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