When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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