My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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