i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
