Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We're too hungover to prance.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
