Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
