this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
