I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
