i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
