I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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