Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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