DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
