What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
