you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
