She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
