Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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