Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize