I look better un-naked...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
