she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
