Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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