Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
