It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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