the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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