I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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