Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
