Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
