How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
