Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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