He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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