I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
