I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
