i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
