how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
