you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
