Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
