I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
