Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
