So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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