I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
