shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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