If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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