Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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