piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
