I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
