we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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