is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
