We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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