She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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