I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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