If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
