sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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