i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
