Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
