ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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