One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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